Wednesday, May 12, 2010
At the end of last year I began telling people close to me that I intended to make a start on 'my book', thinking that would spur me to action. Then, emboldened, I put it out there on this blog. I broke the task down into doable chunks - market research, write a business plan, start canvassing for contributors, draft a proposal - and included these in my monthly goals.
But it's five months already and I haven't got very far. One problem is that I still have fuzzy ideas of the book I want to write and the audience I want to write it for. And they keep changing. When Zoey at Good Goog asked me about it, I intended to tell her, but then realised I wasn't too sure myself.
So I'm not exactly burning with passion over a story I have to tell. And I don't want to write on a topic I'm not passionate about. I think that would make for a pretty crap book. So why do I still want to do this?
If I'm honest, deep down my belief is that if I write a book then I would have 'arrived'. But this is a ridiculous belief when I examine it.
Does it mean that my life's work of raising a family will amount to nothing if I get to my death having never written a book? What a stupid way to measure my worth. But deep down, I know it's how I see myself. Not really amounting to much yet because I've seen myself as a 'writer' ever since I was six years old and I don't have much to show for it. Even though I now have all this wonderful life's experience I could write about!
Also, I'm aware that people simply do not buy books, or read them, these days as much as they used to 30 years ago when I first wanted to be an author.
Social media is where people are now, so maybe I should put the effort I would have put into a book, into a blog (this or another one) instead?
Compounding the issue, my baby's due date is fast approaching. I need to consider how much time, realistically, am I going to be able to put into writing, publishing and marketing a book with four children under seven and a small business to run? A small business which is actually bringing in much-needed income (while the book may not).
So what I'm interested in hearing from my lovely and loyal band of readers, is this:
Have you ever reconciled yourself that a long-held dream may never come to fruition?
Have you ever realised that you were measuring your self-worth with wild inaccuracy?
How do I know if I'm making the right decision in cutting my losses and moving on from this book thing?
Is this a goal which is actually holding me back from seeing other opportunites before me?
Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated!